Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : January 11th 2015 Contents | CARNIVAL |
January 11, 2015 www.guardian.co.tt Sunday Guardian
WOW MAGAZINE| 7
By Roslyn Carrington
IT'S PARTY TIME! You have your fêteing shoes on
and your posse lined up, and you're ready to go.
But be careful! Just because your mama raised
you right doesn't mean everyone else's did. You're
going to meet some party animals out there that
will make you wish Wild Animal Control was on
Your best bet is to learn to spot them from a dis-
tance, and take evasive action.
Here are a few to look out for, and how to deal
The Me-first Not-you
First to get through the gates, whether or not
there is someone in line before them. First to get
drinks at the bar, even if it means shoving others
aside and thrusting money over people's shoul-
The solution: Depends on your personality. You
can try the stony glare and the "Excuse me,
there's a line," approach ... unless they're bigger
than you are, or look like they're willing to use you
as a stepping stone to get where they want to go.
In which case, you're probably better off stepping
aside and saving yourself the hassle.
Positions himself perfectly in front of the stage so
he obstructs your view with maximum efficiency.
His only concern is that he should enjoy the view.
Nobody else matters.
The solution: if you like your spot, and he looks
reasonably human, ask him to shift aside. If not,
YOU slip in front of HIM; see how he likes it.
The Bathroom Bully
This creature scoots past you the moment one of
the bathroom stalls open up, because she's the
only one who needs to go. If you're inside the
bathroom stall, she'll take it into her head that the
door miraculously locked itself, attempt to wrench
it off its hinges, because there is no way it could
be locked because someone in there might want
The solution: If you're waiting, "mark" just one
bathroom stall, and wait for that one to be free.
Let the others play musical doors. If you're on the
inside, lock the door and hold onto the handle for
extra reassurance. This may mean grasping your
handbag in your teeth so you have a hand free.
Awkward to execute, and takes practice.
She'll stop at nothing to get noticed, even if it
means losing articles of clothing, clambering up on
furniture, contorting herself like a Cirque du Soleil
trainee, and wining on random men, some of
whom will be bewildered, many of whom will be
all too willing. If not enough people are looking on,
she'll start shrieking like a banshee to draw atten-
The solution: Get out of range, fast. When those
camera phones start clicking and those shots go
viral, you don't want to be anywhere in the frame.
There is guilt by association, my friend, and when
her job is on the line, you don't want yours to be
called into question.
The Liquor Swiper
This nefarious creature is usually a passing ac-
quaintance, but not close enough to be part of
your posse. He appears out of nowhere the sec-
ond you place an open bottle of alcohol on your
table, hovers, makes amiable small talk, pours
himself a hefty dollop of the alcohol that YOU paid
for, and then ambles away into the mist, never to
be seen again.
The solution: Hide your bottle.
The Cockroach Masher
His feet have built-in toe-detecting radar, and he is
on a one-man mission to obliterate every decent
pedicure within a two-metre radius. When he's
dancing, no toes are safe.
The solution: Keep moving. You need to be light on
your feet, twinkletoes. Consider it an incentive to
burn some calories.
The Wining Bandit
Will 'thief' a wine on any butt that is not pro-
tected by an armed security service. Which, if he
is totally hot and smells good, is pretty nice. But if
he looks and smells like he's taken a vow to con-
serve soap and water for 2015, it's an experience
you'd rather avoid.
The solution: Circle the wagons. You and your
posse have to quite literally watch each other's
backs. And fronts too, for that matter.
So there you go, just a few of the beasts of the
wild Caribbean you won't see on any nature pro-
gramme, but who can certainly make your fêteing
experience harder than it should be. Your best bet
is to recognise them before they can get to you,
and learn the tricks that help you survive in the
Party hard, but party safe!
Links Archive January 10th 2015 January 12th 2015 Navigation Previous Page Next Page