Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : January 19th 2015 Contents insemination” white gloves to the
Golden Globes. (Who cares, the
woman is a noted lawyer and
activist with a statuesque figure—
she can fling on whatever she
likes, as long as she accepts
that people are going to hate
The thing is I couldn’t
stand Joan Rivers but she
was my guilty pleasure
every Saturday morning
with her plastic face grinning back at me, reassuring
that no matter what evils were taking place in the
world, I could always count on her for a totally inap-
propriate joke. The repeated attempts by her co-hosts
to look shocked at Joan’s X-rated bashing got a little
predictable but Joan had the armour to charge her
way into our consciousness.
I was determined not to compare Kathy to Joan—
that’s so unfair. Kathy has the talent and the experience
to kill as the new FP madam but the new format
might be killing her instead.
Instead of ruling as the Red Queen, Kathy is par-
ticipating in a kind of roundtable power-sharing dis-
cussion, with the underfed Giuliana Rancic opening
and closing segments as if she owned the place. Kathy
came off as just another guest with a few snappy
comments in her designer purse.
Plus, she doesn’t seem to care that much about
fashion. She just made some jokes about this one and
George Kotsiopoulos has been replaced by Brad
Goreski who was annoying with his no-socks-and-
cropped pants look. His ankles kept bugging me the
whole night. Thank goodness for Kelly Osbourne.
Eeeek! Did I just say that? Well, I actually found her
a comfort zone where I could cuddle up to her purple
hair and feel I was chatting with an old friend whose
clothes I would never borrow.
No chemistry—that was it. The old team had a
connection and made the repartee seem natural and
delicious. Now, nobody’s opinion seems to really count.
Kathy’s vote for worst dressed was Amal. Kelly and
Brad chose Lana del Rey, the Lisa Presley-beehive-
lookalike in the accordion-pleated aquamarine gown.
Giuliana picked Kiera Knightley for her lampshade
nightgown. The audience, through online posts, then
got to say who they hated the most.
Nobody cares what nobodies think. We want to be
told off by some high-ranking dominatrix of the Fash-
ion Planet—so we can either quiver before her all-
knowingness or rebelliously suck our teeth—not by
some anonymous TV-viewing knock-off-wearing
The new format will also be concentrating on red
carpet events, instead of catching up with celebrities
while vacationing, shopping, and picking up their
children from super camp. We’ll see how that goes.
Since nobody on the new FP show wants to rule
with a sequinned iron sceptre any more, the respon-
sibility falls to me to tell you the truth.
Here is the fastest, smartest, most condensed super
opinionista report from the Golden Globes red car-
Jennifer Lopez and Kate Hudson secretly Superglue
their gowns to their bodies. Keira Knightley looked
so sad in that Chanel nightgown, it would be cruel
to say anything more about it. Claire Danes (My So-
Called Life) wore a so-called gown which was really
upholstery remnants from the set of Gone With the
Wind. Kerry Washington has a vulnerable beauty
which collided with her stiff two-toned gown; not
bad but she could do better. Helen Mirren was glorious
in red Dolce and Gabbana—the woman is 69, with
a waist and a pert bosom. And Lupita Nyong’o can
do no wrong, even if she decides one day to wear
burlap and chicken wire, so back off. You hear me?
Now let’s be grown up and give Kathy Griffin
another chance to arrest us. Long live the Red Queen.
We’ll be watching.
Send your reviews to email@example.com
I fell asleep during the premiere of the re-wired
Fashion Police with Kathy Griffin as the host, which,
on the Fashion Planet is like dozing off on your
Kathy Griffin has been a favourite of mine ever
since her role as the fire-topped, no-cover-for-her-
mouth magazine journalist friend of Brooke Shields
in Suddenly Susan. She also had a sufficiently creepy
childhood with a scary drug-addicted pedophile older
brother to make us want to cheer for her.
I love her face-pulling and fast-talking and famous
red hair. Her delivery and timing are zing, zing, zing.
Yet, I nodded off somewhere between her yeast infec-
tion and mockery of Amal Clooney wearing “bovine
Monday, January 19, 2015 www.guardian.co.tt Guardian
Kathy Griffin, right, has taken up the hot seat from Joan Rivers on Fashion Police
on E! television.
Long live the Red Queen
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