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April 12, 2015 www.guardian.co.tt Sunday Guardian
WOW MAGAZINE| 7
By Roslyn Carrington
I HAVE A THEORY. Sit down, this might take a
while. As I was saying, I have a theory. First, a
little background info: I love superheroes. I'd go
as far as to say I'm obsessed with them. Mar-
vel/DC, X-Men/Avengers, I don't care. If he
wears tights or a cape, I'm into him.
I was indulging in one of my favourite pastimes,
i.e. fantasising gently about what it would be
like to date any of my favourites, when it oc-
curred to me that each of the major super-
heroes is an archetype of a man we're likely to
find on the dating scene. Each one comes with
all his glorious pluses ... but a few minuses as
Iron Man/Tony Stark
The world's most eligible bachelor (according to
him), Stark represents the Ego, a man's concept
of self. Wealth beyond imagination, fame,
power, wit and sophistication. A bona fide ge-
nius who has the technical knowledge and the
financial clout to create any tool or weapon his
imagination can dream up. And he is amazing in
bed --- again, according to him.
This egomaniac cannot survive out of the lime-
light. He feeds off the adulation of others, and
he'll feed off yours, too. The soul of his wit is
predicated upon putting others down, just to
make himself feel good, and it's only a matter of
time before you find yourself in his crosshairs.
And given his sexual addictions and his compul-
sion to bed anything with boobs and a pulse,
trust me, sister, your "horn" is booked.
A Norse god who is willing to turn his back on
the comforts and excesses of his heavenly
home, Valhalla, to fight for justice and preserve
the lesser race of humanity. Brave and fearless,
he represents the spiritual side of Man, the
Soul, our connection with the Divine.
As with marrying a priest or a senior politician,
you can be sure he loves you, but you must also
understand that you will never be first in his life.
His higher calling, his service to his people, will
always take precedence.
Logan is Lust; lust is Logan. He represents a
man's unbridled sexuality; down and dirty, with-
out the niceties society requires of human inter-
action. (Have you ever seen him EAT?) A man
like this will make you feel all woman, all the
time. And with his legendary healing power and
his ability to regenerate, I dare say his staying
power is all any woman can desire ... and then
some. This man will wear you out.
He's a wanderer, not a settle-downer. Con-
stantly roaming, searching for a missing part of
himself. Furthermore, he's terrified of his own
strength, and will worry endlessly that he may
inadvertently hurt you: what if he awakes from
a nightmare to discover he's skewered you with
those adamantine spikes of his ... in his sleep?
My advice? Enjoy the man for as long as it lasts,
but don't go opening up any bridal registries.
Because one day soon you will wake up and
he'll be gone.
The Hulk/David (or Bruce) Banner
He's like Wolverine on 'roids. He represents the
Reptilian Brain, masculine powers at their most
basic. He'll fight for you ... SMASH for you. And
he has biceps the size of tree trunks. Ooohhh....
There are many. In his mutated form he is not
only incapable of speech (who wants a man
you can't talk with?), he is almost incapable of
rational thought. Like an out of control steam-
roller, he crushes everything in his path. Pray
that one day, it's not you.
Almost as rich as Tony Stark, but a little more
secretive of his double life. He represents the
Knight in Shining Armour, all valour and chivalry.
If you're ever in trouble, he'll strap on his gadget
belt and come get you ... not to mention the
beatdown he'll impose on those who were giv-
ing you trouble in the first place.
He is the walking wounded. His childhood
trauma has left him scarred to a degree that he
may never become whole. And you know that
womanly desire inside you, to hold him and heal
him? You know that feeling that, whereas other
women have failed to change him for the better,
YOU are the one who has what it takes? Yeah...
no. Forget that. This man is broken. Batman is
just another Joker that took a different path.
Captain America/Steve Rogers
Golden hair, straight teeth, physically perfect in
every aspect. Strong, fiercely loyal, willing to
throw himself onto a live grenade for his
friends. Sweet natured, almost naïve, but a for-
midable warrior in battle.
Rogers represents the Heart of a man; the part
that believes in goodness, kindness and truth.
Given the choice between the wrong, easy way
and the right, had way, he'll choose the right
way every time. And as Peggy Carter discov-
ered, he's capable of loving and staying in love
across the decades.
He's also a virgin. Which is like getting the most
awesome Christmas present EVER in the most
awesome Christmas wrapping EVER.
Are you kidding me? Didn't you just hear what I
said? There is NO downside to this man. He is
the heart, the conscience, the purity of the su-
Seriously considering applying for US citizen-
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