Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : April 27th 2015 Contents You think you are so clever.
You think I will always fall for
your sucker punches, your mis-
chief, your cruel jokes.
You don t know me. After a
lifetime of boot-camp experience
and self-therapy, I am my own
expert on all the tricks, dupes
and terrorist tactics deployed by
your evil kind.
The best weight I could ever
lose is you.
You sit there, like a perfect
not taking up much room, lurk-
ing in the shadows.
But you don t fool me, with
your glassy half-smile. You want
After years of cowering, like a
wet fowl, every time we con-
fronted each other, I no longer
care what you think. Your opin-
ion is as important to me as the
crud I scrape off the bottom of
the nothing I now feel for you.
There I was, like an addict,
silently begging you to like me.
Naked, clothed only in pain, my
self-esteem in tatters, patched
here and there with bravado, I
would ask the same question
over and over again, expecting a
different answer each time.
One day you put me up, the
next you took me down. Every
morning you waited for me to
leap from a warm bed and pres-
ent myself, victim anew. You
would pretend to encourage; by
evening, you offered cold rejec-
I must have been overdosing
on stupid to have put up with
your treachery for so long---
should have taken a hammer to
your little metallic heart years
Ah, you mocking pretender,
dictator of misery, emissary of
Belial---begone. Back to the
murky nowhereland where you
will masquerade no more.
Your excuse for attacking me
daily is that you were just being
honest. Liar! Pinocchio would
make a better friend than you.
Here s the real truth: I am not
going to be your hostage another
day, another minute.
You do not own me.
My own opinion of me is the
one that matters. If I like me
more, I will care less and less
about the negative messages you
Go on, with your judgmental,
unforgiving self. Slide right back
under the bed where you belong.
Stay there. Shut up. I hope you
and the dust bunnies have a
wonderful life because you are
going to be spending a lot of time
I don t hate you. I am just not
that into you any more.
As bathroom scales go, you
may not be the worst of them.
But cruelty should have no cat-
Perhaps you should not take
all the blame. After all, the diet
industry and their famous plastic
big-haired spokeswoman had a
hand in the mass hypnosis that
turned daily weigh-ins into an
obsession. Slumber Party Barbie
appeared in 1965 in pink satin
pajamas, and with a diet book
titled How to Lose Weight which
contained one piece of advice,
"Don t eat."
She also had a fuzzy pink scale
which perpetually read 110. Since
then, the madness has comman-
deered more brains than televi-
Possibly, my old scale could
find a new life as a doorstop or
something but a painted rock
would probably have less attitude
and not get any upstart ideas
about its status.
Since we broke up, I started a
new fun relationship with cute,
dark-wash, bootylicious jeans in
size fabulous. They adore me,
and a little flattery always sweet-
ens things up a bit. I am hanging
with a new crowd now---a skip-
ping rope, running shoes and a
Now who s got the swagger.
Share your scale skirmishes
Guardian www.guardian.co.tt Monday, April 27, 2015
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Scaling back on stupid Perhaps you should not
take all the blame. After
all, the diet industry and
their famous plastic big-
had a hand in the mass
hypnosis that turned
daily weigh-ins into an
Party Barbie appeared
in 1965 in pink satin
pajamas, and with a diet
book titled How to Lose
Weight which contained
one piece of advice,
"Don't eat." She also
had a fuzzy pink scale
which perpetually read
110. Since then, the
brains than television.
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