Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : May 21st 2015 Contents A26
Guardian www.guardian.co.tt Thursday, May 21, 2015
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The public is hereby
notified that Larry
Proposes to apply to the
(EMA) for a variation in
accordance with the
Noise Pollution Control
Rules 2001 for the
Date Of Event/Activity:
Sunday 28th June,
Name And Description
Brian Lara Cricket
3.00 a.m to 10.00 a.m
The public is invited to
submit comments within
5 working days of the
publication of the notice
to the EMA.
On May 16, 2015, at 7.22 pm, Kyle
Kijani Baldeosingh was born: and
now I have to protect him from
homicidal policemen, rabid feminists,
and cheap jockey shorts.
How I stop him being murdered by
police will depend a great deal on how
he looks 16 to 25 years from now.
At present, Kyle bears a close resem-
blance to a mashed potato with stom-
ach trouble; but I suppose that will
As a dougla, if his African genes
determine his eventual phenotype, this
increases the odds that he will be shot
by police officers who will justify their
homicide by saying that the suspect
shot at them with a gun that is never
tested to see if he fired it.
Six days into the world, however, he
looks very Indo: so I m preparing to
ensure that he doesn t die by fast driv-
ing, fast drinking, or fast women.
But, whatever their race, it s not easy
to raise boys in this 21st century.
Already, I am practising bobbing and
weaving while changing his diaper, so
Kyle won t pee in my face.
This is something I never had to do
with his sister, Jinaki. And, even before
he was born, I was worrying that I
was going to be bored with him for at
least two years, if not more.
After all, not only do boys typically
develop more slowly than girls, but
babies do nothing but feed, sleep, and
poop. And while Jinaki s poop fascinat-
ed me and her mother, I find that this
topic no longer holds my attention the
way it used to. Been there, cleaned
Now don t get me wrong. I m not
saying that Kyle s poop isn t important.
We will certainly be discussing his
poop every day.
I just doubt I ll ever hear his mother
say, as she did with Jinaki one day
while changing her diaper: "This is the
perfect poop. Not too hard, not too
soft, and it s just the right shape."
Then there s the feminist challenge.
Naturally, Kyle will be brought up to
not discriminate against any group,
Once he absorbs this attitude from
his parents, he will naturally agree that
women, just like all individuals, should
have the same rights as men.
But, having taught him that, how
will I avoid feminists calling him a
I suppose, once I can also teach him
to rely on facts and logic, he will auto-
matically repel feminists, just like his
That is why feminists argue that
boys are socialised to like trucks while
girls are socialised to like dolls,
although no feminist who has a het-
erosexual son has ever socialised him
to play with Raggedy Ann.
In fact, now that my son is born, I
have to start a campaign to get this
country s stupid laws changed, so he
won t get jailed at 15 years old for hav-
ing sex with another 15-year-old.
You see, unlike most Members of
Parliament and all religious believers, I
actually remember what it was like to
be a teenage boy full of raging hor-
I particularly remember that my
blood supply was very limited, so once
the little head wanted blood, the bigger
head didn t have enough to think
more rational male, it s only because
the little head doesn t get as much
blood as before. But, as part of that
rationality, I view sex as a natural and
healthy part of growing up, which is
the attitude in most First World coun-
tries where the laws don t criminalise
teenagers having sex and where, unlike
our moral societies, they have lower
rates of STDS, teen pregnancies, and
Speaking of whom, there is an even
greater chance that Kyle will be an
atheist compared to his sister. This
isn t because his mommy and daddy
will be forcing their beliefs on him or
Jinaki, but because males are more
likely to be atheists than females.
Nobody knows exactly why this is
so, but I myself suspect it s because
men often worship women, whereas
women aren t that desperate for sex.
If so, Kyle may also turn out to be
one of those boys who reads books,
which will offend religious believers
All this will make life even harder
than it is for even typical boys in this
place, so I suppose I should try to
make Kyle as normal as possible.
But, if he turns out anything like his
daddy, that will be impossible.
Kevin Baldeosingh in a professional
writer, author of three novels, and
co-author of a history textbook.
You see, unlike most
Members of Parliament
and all religious believers,
I actually remember what
it was like to be a teenage
boy full of raging
hormones. I particularly
remember that my blood
supply was very limited,
so once the little head
wanted blood, the bigger
head didn't have enough
to think clearly.
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Worrying sign in education
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