Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : June 4th 2015 Contents A22
Guardian www.guardian.co.tt Thursday, June 4, 2015
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Most media houses reported on the
Charlie Charlie game last week,
with reporters interviewing reli-
gious leaders on the issue, who all warned
that this was a very dangerous activity
that was causing children to levitate to
the ceiling and snicker at their elders.
However, after it was revealed that the
game was just a marketing ploy for an
upcoming horror movie, no reporter con-
tacted the same religious leaders to ask
them if they felt like fools.
More importantly, though, no media
house told people how to defend them-
selves against demons. So today, for
everyone who wants to ensure they aren t
possessed by an evil spirit or a measurable
IQ, I have written this guaranteed adviso-
ry or your money back.
This is a powerful demon who can be
summoned in several ways, but a sub-
poena is most reliable. Moloch hates
being held in contempt of court,
although he occasionally eats people who
work (or "work") at the Caribbean Court
of Justice. Moloch is known as "the cor-
ruptor," but it is not known whether he s
PNM or UNC or Red Velvet Oreos. If
you wish to avoid Moloch, floss after
This is a demon with a face like a
corpse who gets men to follow her into
the forest, hence proving that men doh
watch face, only waist. And she has one
cloven foot, so men are kinky too. Once
she has bewitched a man, she leads him
deep into the forest and then disappears,
leaving him to fall into a ravine or get
attacked by wild hogs or sing If I Were a
Carpenter. This demon can be foiled by
taking her to a guesthouse instead.
Commonly depicted as a cow goddess
with horns, the Hathor demon is sum-
moned by buying a $5,000 Carnival cos-
tume to wine on a bumsee. When
invoked by a woman, men will have to
pay for dinner, including large fries.
When summoned by a man, he is awake.
You can defend against this demon by
doing the dishes, foot massage and buy-
ing her roses for Valentine s Day.
This demon is half-man, half-goat, and
usually plays the tenor. He is considered
a grassroots demon, although he only
gets summoned through State sponsor-
ship and, even then, hardly anyone goes
to his shows. You can keep him from
possessing you by listening to rain on
This is a demon who can change into
an animal from the torso down and can
also change its size from small to large.
So it is summoned by a man having sex
or watching porn or having sex while
watching porn. If you want to see a laga-
hoo, take some yampee from a dog s eye,
put it in your eye, and peep out of a
keyhole at midnight. If you do not see a
lagahoo, give back the yampee to the
This demon has various abilities attrib-
uted to him, such as prophecy, shape-
shifting and shoe repair. As a shape-
shifter, Ornias can transform into a lion,
an antelope or bad poetry. People who
have been possessed by this demon have
been known to speak in the language of
the oppressor. Ogun can be blocked by
This is a yoga demon who can only be
summoned while doing the Downward
Facing Dog and chanting Wheels on the
Bus. People who are possessed by this
demon are very pleasing to men, espe-
cially in the Half Lord to the Fishes pose.
This demon has been known to make
MPs pass Section 34, and can only be
exorcised by the United States courts
and, even then, only if extradited.
This is a demon of deception and
incredulity, who causes people to believe
in demons. People who are possessed by
him even believe that email printouts
with impossible dates and addresses are
genuine. This demon can be exorcised
with science, statistics and economics,
but this ensures you will be unfit for
high office in T&T.
Also called Old Hag or, sometimes, Old
Spice, this demon can change herself into
different forms, like a Prime Minister
who never got money from Jack Warner.
At night she sheds her human skin and
changes into a ball of fire, which is useful
if electricity goes. If the soucouyant
doesn t slip back into her skin before the
cock crows, she has to moisturise. You
can expose a soucouyant by putting 100
lbs of rice at the village crossroads. Any-
one who takes the rice is either a demon
or making pelau.
Kevin Baldeosingh in a professional
writer, author of three novels, and co-
author of a history textbook.
The only thing that Sat Maharaj and Dr Rowley
agree upon is that Port-of-Spain should be
moved to Wallerfield. Kamla disagrees.
I would like to offer a suggestion.
Port-of-Spain is a city unfortunate to be crowded
down to the sea by hills. From the east access is
from the Beetham Highway, the Eastern Main Road
and the Lady Young Road. From the West one
comes along the Western Main Road and then
move on to the Audrey Jeffers Highway or move
left and already be in the city.
The plan: PoS gets in the way of people from
east or west who don't want to stop in PoS. All traf-
fic from east or west not destined to stop in PoS
must bypass the city via a second storey road from
the PoS Central Market to the National Stadium.
You will go up the market overpass and branch
off left onto the new road. Coming back it will
branch to the left before the flyover to merge with
the overpass from Independence Square going over
the Eastern Main Road.
Having reduced the traffic in South PoS substan-
tially then we have to cut down on the continuous
circulating traffic caused by people looking for park-
ing places that virtually don't exist.
We need to build a big car park by filling in the
swamp south of the lighthouse.
Similarly a parking lot can be built on the west of
the city probably on land at the western end of
A proper bus service originating from these car
parks must be provided for servicing the city with a
steady flow of buses.
From the lighthouse car park an underground
tunnel will pass under the Main Road. After parking
east or west of PoS passengers must be guaran-
teed an efficient service to access whichever part of
the city they want to get to without worrying about
finding a parking place while only adding to circulat-
This will reduce the PoS traffic considerably. Traf-
fic headed for PoS will be reduced by those parking
outside the city and using a bus service.
A similar plan should be considered to ease traf-
fic through Carenage with a second storey road.
This could be an alternative to the waterfront road.
Second storey roads are more expensive to con-
struct than ground level roads but relative to build-
ing a new ground level road there is no cost of
purchasing land and paying for already existing
structures to clear the way for the new road.
Maybe then Sat and Keith can agree to leave PoS
where it is.
Vincent E Quesnel
DEFENCES AGAINST DEMONS Second storey road
can ease PoS traffic
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