Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : June 5th 2015 Contents A23
Friday, June 5, 2015 www.guardian.co.tt Guardian
TAKE THE HEAT DOWN WITH OUR
INDIAN ARRIVAL DAY SALE
ON R22 A/C UNITS
PRICE VAT INC. WARRANTIES
Serenity High Wall $5,500.00 3 Months
5 Ton 1Ph Condenser Serenity
$4,865.00 1 Month
36,000 BTU Floor Ceiling Conforter $4,600.00 3 Months
36,000 BTU Condenser Comfortstar $3,000.00 1 Month
* Wide range of Parts and Appliances
* Refrigerators * Commercial Air Conditioning
* Water Pump Parts & Refrigerant Gas
* Compressors for many brands
Phone: 1-868-653-7877 • Phone/Fax: 1-868-652-8218
I am no way in the defence of Jack Warner.
I think that's its very unfair to blame the PP
Government for Uncle Jack's contributions to
the party. He joined the party and contributed
to its success in the last elections. What is so
wrong with that? He was not charged for any
form of corruption when he made those
No one knew then how much or if any of his
money was ill-gained. Who can say for sure if
the monies that he contributed to the party
were the same as what he is alleged to have
I think that if the Opposition PNM had the
opportunity to get those same campaign
contributions from Jack, they too would have
This is just a political ploy to make the PP
government look bad.
No one knows how deep Jack's pockets really
are. He is accused of a crime and if found guilty
must do the time. We can't throw out the baby
with the bath water. The PP did nothing wrong.
PP should not be
blamed for Jack $$
Tuesday was my birthday
and what have I got after
57 years in life s frontline? Reced-
ing hairline, expanding waistline,
infrequent byline and recurring
punch line: six times before, last
year, in 2014 and at five-year
intervals before that, in birthday
columns headlined, 56, 55, 50, 40
and 35 with a Bullet, I ve repeat-
ed the same hairline/ waistline/
byline joke I first made in this
column when I was 30 with a
After turning 30 "in the
papers," I had decided to limit
birthday columns to five-year
intervals, the "significant" birth-
days. You assume stuff, at age
30---like your continued exis-
tence---that, at 57, you are almost
constantly aware is very chancy.
Every firetrucking birthday is
now significant, like every day
you get up without pain,
heartache or catastrophe.
This year---and this probably
reflects my perspicacity, or lack
thereof---it struck me that,
although I don t think I ll ever
change the first or last entries, I
could change a lot of the advice
in-between. Here, then, for your
elucidation/entertainment, are 57
undeniable truths gleaned from
57 years in this vale of
1. Never fart in an elevator. 2.
Women need a reason to have
sex; men only need a place. 3.
Marry your best friend. 4. Always
write a name with a telephone
number; never go to MovieTowne
on the day of the SEA exam. 5.
There s someone in this world for
everyone (white-people version);
every stale hops have its rancid
cheese (Trini version). 6. If a
married man is in the middle of
the desert, is he still wrong---
question posed by American
comedians; yes, he should be at
answered by my friend, Barbara
Castagne. 7. Posting on Facebook
is not the same as making a
protest---even if you get seven
"Likes". 8. The less-talented are
always more critical. 9. Powerful
men are secretly terrified. 10.
Breast implants suck.
11. David Rudder/Bunji Garlin is
the future of calypso. 12. Hurt
people hurt people. 13. Never
sleep with a girl called Ruby;
never play pool with a guy called
Fats; never play cards with a man
called Doc (Tom Waits); never
vote for a political party with
three initials in its name (me). 14.
The hot girl in the gym is not
looking at you, but at her reflec-
tion in the mirror behind you. 15.
No one will cheat you as ruth-
lessly as a devout believer. 16.
There is no such thing as a free
lunch. 17. If you re going to kick
authority in the teeth, you might
as well use both feet (Keith
Richards). 18. Most people can
handle adversity; if you want to
test a man s character, give him
power (Abraham Lincoln). 19.
Where there is life, there is hope
(Stephen Hawking); it s too late/
when we die/to admit we don t
see/ eye-to-eye (Mike & the
Mechanics). 20. Speak of the
Devil and he appears.
21. Without denying work to
gardeners, chauffeurs, etc, no one
should own more than they can
take care of themselves. 22. If it s
fun, it s immoral; it it s really fun,
it s illegal; if it s really, really fun,
it s illegal in Texas. 23 The only
certainty in Trinidad politics is
the new government will be even
worse than the one it replaces.
24. Feed the dog; stroke the cat;
walk like an Egyptian. 25 Noth-
ing, not even business, is more
powerful than love. 26. If you
must smoke, use a filter; if you
must drink, don t drive. 27. Don t
smoke (cigarettes) or drink (cheap
liquor). 28. Use condoms. 29.
Spend a few bucks on a quality
reversible belt/little black dress.
30. If you don t actively prevent
it, you will turn into your father
31. If you want happiness for
an hour, take a nap; if you want
happiness for a day, go fishing;
for a month, get married; for a
year, inherit a fortune---but if you
want happiness for a lifetime,
help others (Chinese proverb, co-
opted by Ricky Gervais in
"Derek"). 32. You re re-born
every morning. 33. All things
must pass (George Harrison). 34.
God wants us to have plenty sex
but few children. 35. Wherever
you go, there you are. 36. Enough
is as good as a feast. 37. Money
won t get you to Heaven, but you
sure see Hell without it (Christian
Soldier/Gary Hector). 38. "Holy"
books are more book than holy:
interpret them for yourself. 39
For-profit-healthcare is what the
Catholics call a mortal sin. 40.
Children are the best high.
41. Until you re broken, you
don t know what you re made of.
42. Be the change you want in
the world. (Gandhi). 43.
Brrrrrrtttt! (Bunji). 44. You can
truly rely on only yourself but
you either trust others or shoot
yourself. 45. I m the one who s
got to die when it s time for me
to die, so let me live my life the
way I want to (Jimi Hendrix). 46.
It takes all kinds. 47. The Age of
Reason will arise. 48. For every
liberty you take, there is a
responsibility you must assume.
49. All you really have is time;
and it flies. 50. Your mother
can t---but you can.
51. The only person you can
change is yourself. 52. At the end
of the day, it s night (Steve Mar-
tin). 53. Those people are indeed
talking about you. 54. The more
vehemently anyone rails against
anything---therapy, same gender
Viagra---the more desperately they
need it. 55. Anger is a poison you
take and hope your enemy dies.
56. You can always add salt; you
can never take it out. 57. One
day I ll have to get a real job.
BC Pires is the birthday old
firetruck. Happy Birthday to
the Best Girl in the World,
Rosanna Lee Pires
57 WITH A BULLET
THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY
"If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap; if you
want happiness for a day, go fishing; for a month, get
married; for a year, inherit a fortune---but if you want
happiness for a lifetime, help others..."
Letters via post should be sent to the
Editor-in-chief, 22-24 St Vincent Street,
Port-of-Spain. Faxes: 625-7211 or
It's Your Write
Links Archive June 4th 2015 June 6th 2015 Navigation Previous Page Next Page