Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : June 18th 2015 Contents A26
Guardian www.guardian.co.tt Thursday, June 18, 2015
SALE BY MORTGAGEE
Offers are invited for the purchase of the following
266 Aerides Drive, Orchid Gardens,
665-4125 ext. 4617/4616/4615
SEND SEALED BIDS TO:
The Manager (Property Sale)
Commercial Workout Unit
Market Street Complex,
#4 Market Street,
Bids must follow the guidelines herein given to
ensure they are duly considered.
Bids, in a sealed envelope, must be received by
3.00 p.m on June 26th 2015.
Late bids will not be considered
The Mortgagee does not bind itself to accept the
highest or any offer. The properly will be sold as
is subject to all rates taxes or other outgoings
that may be due at the time of sale.
Unsuitable bids will not be acknowledged. 0608017
No political party has yet released its man-
ifesto, but I have been assiduously follow-
ing their campaign meetings by staying
home and watching The Walking Dead.
Based on their platform speeches, I have pre-
pared advance copies of the political parties
manifestos, which I present today for public
edification and colonoscopy.
People's National Movement: We will build
more schools, and ensure children are well-
behaved by suspending all pregnant unmarried
teachers. This will ensure that students pass
their exams and not go to Hell.
United National Congress: We will ensure chil-
dren are working on their laptops, not lap-
dances. We will repair all schools by hiring
party hacks, as well as paying pundits and
imams and Pastor Cuffie to ensure that chil-
dren do not have sex, unless they are married
12-year-old Muslim or 14-year-old Hindu girls.
Movement for Social Justice: We will follow
the Cuban model so everyone will learn to read
Independent Liberal Party: We will revamp the
school curriculum, ensuring that students learn
modern Arithmetic where $6 million = $2 mil-
lion for fire engines.
PNM: We will improve the healthcare system
by ensuring that more non-Indians get into
medical school, praying for heart patients, and
licensing Trevor Sayers.
Nurses salaries will be improved by providing
bonuses for all nurses who do not cuss up poor
UNC: We will improve the health-care system
by introducing ayurvedic medicine, settling
lawsuits for dead babies, and providing free
stomach staples to all Government Ministers.
MSJ: We will follow the Cuban model so the
World Health Organisation will pay the govern-
ment to pay doctors who can go to Africa to
fight Ebola so the doctors families won t be
ILP: Every citizen will have access to cheap
drugs imported by one of my sons companies.
PNM: We will diversify the economy by hiring
more workers in URP and CEPEP. We will also
set up a Diversification of the Economy Secre-
tariat, which will provide jobs for at least eight
PNM members, not including the cleaners.
UNC: We will accelerate economic diversifica-
tion by paying more lawyers to handle cases for
the Attorney General, expanding State boards,
and subsidising doubles with slight pepper.
MSJ: We will follow the Venezuelan model,
but use mango leaves for toilet paper.
ILP: We will earn revenue by taking $4.4 mil-
lion in aid for Haiti and giving them $381,000
in bottled water.
PNM: We will develop our nation s rich cul-
tural heritage by giving the Emancipation Sup-
port Committee several million dollars every
year to put on robes and dance de shango. We
will also give $1 million to soca singers, beauty
queens, and winer girls.
UNC: We will give $3 million in prizes to
chutney singers, chutney soca singers, and
chutney with dhal and rice.
MSJ: We will follow the North Korea model
by supporting artistes who support the govern-
ILP: $1 fetes every weekend.
PNM: We will improve the country s infra-
structure by building tall buildings in Port-of-
Spain, outside Port-of-Spain, and near Port-of-
Spain. We will also build a rapid rail very
slowly, with a tall building at every stop.
UNC: We will build highways at five times the
MSJ: We will not build anything new for the
next 100 years, like Cuba.
ILP: We will build box drains everywhere.
PNM: We will support our athletes by giving
them free sports bras and jockstraps. Any ath-
lete who shows enough talent to compete at
the international level will receive the full back-
ing of a PNM administration, including a party
UNC: We will support our athletes by giving
them a house and a parade if they place in the
World Games, the Olympics, or the Barrackpore
Sports Day and Bazaar. All gold, silver and
bronze medallists will receive a lifetime supply
MSJ: We will use the Russia model and give
athletes all the money and support and threats
to their families they need to excel on the
ILP: We will build stadiums everywhere,
including the Caroni swamp.
UNC: We will suspend all Opposition MPs
who lie to Parliament, and lie about all the
PNM: We will pretend to consult citizens on
policies we have already decided on; pelt
teacups at any Opposition MP who offends us;
and pass no laws that contradict the Bible.
MSJ: We will follow the Cuban Venezuelan
North Korean model and create a People s
Republic where every citizen is happy and
unhappiness is punishable by death.
ILP: We will pass laws making box drains a
Kevin Baldeosingh in a professional
writer, author of three novels, and co-author
of a history textbook.
Ilistened to the 7 pm
news where a politi-
cal scientist said that
the Prime Minister has
to convince the elec-
torate and ensure that
she chooses the right
persons to avoid all
the firings that took
place in her cabinet.
Is she implying that
is to now be responsi-
ble for oversight of
human nature? How is
she going to predict
their future actions?
This brings to mind
Father Charles, who
was appointed to the
a person of impecca-
ble character who only
suffered a lapse in
judgement (as we are
all prone to).
When she appoints
someone based on ex-
pertise and ability,
who is responsible for
monitoring their daily
actions to determine if
they have succumbed
to temptation, greed,
I think that the best
the Prime Minister can
do is fire them as soon
as they are exposed
for proven unethical or
illegal behaviour, I em-
phasise the word
"proven." But she has
already taken that ap-
proach, hasn't she?
All other political
parties have re-
sponded to similar in-
cidents of misdeeds,
by deliberate cover-
ups some of which
have only been ex-
posed decades later.
ADVANCE POLITICAL MANIFESTOS
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