Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : June 21st 2015 Contents B6
Sunday Guardian www.guardian.co.tt June 21, 2015
The USAID Mission to the Eastern and Southern Caribbean is seeking an
individual for the position of Acquisition and Assistance Specialist. The
position is based in Bridgetown, Barbados.
The incumbent is expected to perform the full range of procurement duties,
including developing comprehensive procurement planning strategies and
appropriate solicitation documents, conducting analysis, evaluation, and
negotiation of a wide variety of acquisition and assistance documents, and
managing implementation of these awards under the guidance of the
Mission's Executive Office and Regional Contracting Office.
Education: Baccalaureate degree (BA) or its equivalent to a four year formal
Prior Work Experience: The incumbent is required to have a minimum of
three (3) years of progressive experience in the areas of procurement,
acquisition and assistance.
Position is open to eligible nationals under the CARICOM Single Market and
Economy (CSME) Free Movement of University Graduates who possess the
relevant skills certificate from their home state.
Interested candidates may apply to the
Human Resources Office,
P.O. Box 302, Bridgetown Barbados, or via email at
no later than June 26, 2015.
ONLY BEST QUALIFIED CANDIDATES WILL BE ACKNOWLEDGED.
Being in a relationship can be very stressful espe-
cially when one partner is of the opinion that he/she
would like to be involved with more than one person
or maybe having sexually based conversations with
women on social media and planning rendezvous.
A friend of mine explained to me once how she
viewed a relationship that she was in: "I had left the
relationship long before we actually broke up." For
some people who may be experiencing this situation,
Ken Page, the author of Deeper Dating, explains what
you need to know---right now---about any future rela-
"This is the way we have been taught to understand
our attractions: you re either attracted to someone
right now or you won t ever be. For example, Ann
was attracted to guys who were somewhat arrogant,
but she didn t appreciate being treated disrespectfully
by anyone---least of all by her boyfriend! Still, cocky
guys turned her on in a visceral way, and nice guys
just didn t. She really wanted a husband and family,
but the people she was attracted to weren t marriage
material, and the ones who were marriage material
didn t excite her."
If you relate to Ann s predicament, you certainly
are not alone. All of us are attracted to certain types
that can knock us off balance: a physical type, an
emotional type, and a personality type. These iconic
attractions can make us weak in the knees and they
trigger our insecurities, as well as our longings. We
keep feeling we have to do something to win our
partner s love, approval or care. These are what I call
"attractions of deprivation."
With some attractions of deprivation, we see the
red flags early on but can t stop ourselves. With
others, the upsetting aspects of the relationship don t
reveal themselves right away. Soon enough, however,
these less-than-positive qualities become obvious,
whether your partner is lying, cheating, unavailable
to you in times of need, overly critical, selfish or---
in the worst cases---addicted to substances or in the
grip of a psychological disorder.
If these attractions are so painful, why isn t it
easier for us to break free of them? One reason is
that attractions of deprivation are what behavioural
theorists call "intermittent reward systems." In these
systems, you get rewarded only sporadically and you
can t control when the reward will come. Intermittent
reward systems are some of the most compelling
forms of reinforcement and among the hardest to
break free of. Gambling is a perfect example.
Attractions of deprivation are also among the trick-
iest ways to flee real intimacy. In these relationships,
our fear of intimacy is hiding in plain sight. We re
desperately seeking a solid love---from someone who
we know, deep down, won t give it to us. With an
attraction of deprivation, in some odd way, we are
safe. I ve found that the people most drawn to attrac-
tions of deprivation experience discomfort, fear,
unworthiness or anger when they are confronted
with a kind, stable and available partner. The more
we are drawn to attractions of deprivation, the less
we will feel comfortable with available and caring
people. Attractions of deprivation are frequently
birthed by our fear of our own power and, oftentimes,
our fear of love. At bottom, they are distractions
from the scariest things of all: the challenge of our
gifts in our lives.
The great secret to lasting love lies in learning the
difference between your "attractions of deprivation"
and your "attractions of inspiration." Then only follow
your attractions of inspiration. This method sounds
so simple, yet it takes decades for most of us to arrive
at this truth, if we ever do at all.
Recognising attractions of inspiration takes time,
patience and attention. In these relationships, our
challenge is to accept and return our partner s caring,
not to win that caring. Attractions of inspiration are
fuelled by the real sense of well-being that the rela-
tionship creates in us, not by the unrelenting
itch for something that s denied us. These
attractions often unfold slowly. They get
richer as time goes on.
Here are some markers for identifying
your attractions of inspiration: Are you
inspired by your partner s (mostly) consistent
caring and acceptance? Are you inspired by
your partner s goodness, decency and
integrity? Is your love fuelled by respect for
the kind of person your partner is? Are you
and your partner willing to do the hard
work of healing the relationship s areas of
weakness? Do you like who you are in the
presence of your partner? Does he or she
make you a better you?
Relationships of inspiration are not just
for the lucky. We all can find these rela-
tionships by dating in wiser ways. The first
step on this path is to look for inspiration
at least as much as we look for sexual attrac-
tion. These relationships are not only the
path to love; they are the path to our own
greatness. Through them we can find a way
past the fears and wounds that dwarf us.
We experience our partner seeing into our
very core---and valuing what is there. With
this comes a sense of bravery, an innate
desire to share our gifts---not out of obli-
gation but from a sense of joyful overflow.
And that makes us into just the kind of per-
son we are looking for---one who inspires
others simply by who he or she is."
...relationships of inspiration are not just for the lucky
Date in wiser ways
JANICE LEARMOND CRIQUI CPC, ACC
Ideal Life Associate Certified Coach
Relationships of inspiration are not just for the lucky.
We all can find these relationships by dating in wiser ways.
The first step on this path is to look for inspiration at least
as much as we look for sexual attraction.
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