Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : July 12th 2015 Contents | RELATIONSHIPS |
FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS I've been
rambling aimlessly through the wonder-
land that is online dating, from the oh-so-
serious paid sites like eharmony to the fun
fricos like OkCupid. I'm still firmly in the
friendzone (and that suits me just fine)
but I've been on some enjoyable dates with
interesting men, whom I still enjoy liming
However, I've noticed a few recurring is-
sues with men and their profiles, so out of
my extensive experience (a whopping six
months; that's got to be a record) I'd like to
offer some advice to gentlemen seeking
Babe, if you claim to be 42 and own two
SUVs, and instead you're 58 and are on a
first name basis with every maxi man be-
tween here and Chaguanas, I will find out.
And I will judge you.
Use profile pix from this decade
I'd sure you were dashing at 25, but what
really interests me is what you look like
NOW. Yeah, I'm shallow like that. Take
down your graduation photos and let's see
something current, please. And while we're
on the subject....
Don't use cartoon profile pictures
Unless your first name is Tony and your
last name is Stark, remove the Iron Man
drawing. Refusal to show your true face
leads me to two possible conclusions. Ei-
ther you're a complete troll, or you have
something to hide. Like a wedding ring.
Don't post photos of you hugging up
I know you aren't coming to me factory-
fresh (this, to be honest, would freak me
out at our age), but having your recent
conquests shoved in my face only raises
my competitive hackles. I'm not in the
mood to compare boobage with the last
woman you were into.
Manage your expectations
If I ask you what you're looking for, it's cool
if you say something like "companionship",
"a couple of laughs" or "a few fun dates".
You could even go all out and say "casual
sex". You ain't getting any, but I'd respect
Please don't do like one American I
bumped into in the cyberverse who, after
2 minutes of conversation, replied to that
question with, "the love of my life". Dude...
Show me your macajuel
This is not a euphemism. I'd also like to see
your pet squirrel, kitten or puppy. Proof
that you are an animal lover will buy you
major points, my friend.
Post pix of your scooter, your fishing rod,
or your hiking boots, anything that gives
me an idea as to who you are and what
you're passionate about. It's a good way to
get a conversation going; "Oh, you run 5Ks
too? What's your best time?"
Create an interesting profile
Yes, I'm looking for a nice guy, but I'll prob-
ably still skim over profiles that meander
on like, "I'm a nice guy who likes rainbows...
. Yadda yadda yadda." If all the men on dat-
ing sites who claim to like taking long
walks on the beach actually did so, the
traffic to Maracas would be at a standstill.
Be original. Grab me. Interest me. Thrill me
with your words.
Don't be a hit-and-run one-word-greeting
bandit. If all you say to me in your message
is "Hi." I am not likely to respond.
On the other end of that spectrum,
though, I'll probably also give you a wide
berth if you kick off with, "Hello, gorgeous!
I think you're soooo sexy and I'm dyyying
to meet you. Add me on Skype!" Whoa
there, cowboy! Isn't there a little too much
butter on that bread?
Just try something like, "Hey, I liked your
profile. How was your day?"
Take me kayaking
If we ever do meet, let's play Scrabble. Or
fish in the Caroni swamp. Or have break-
fast at the Green Market. Anything but the
yawnfully clichéd dinner-and-a-movie date.
It's not only unimaginative, it's stressful. I
can never remember which fork to use.
At least, if we went to the zoo, if we ever
ran out of things to say we could stand in
companionable silence and contemplate
Cyber dating is no longer taboo, and it's re-
ally not hard to get into. You just need to
remember that first impressions count for
something. So plan your strategy, march to
the battlefield, and deploy your best sol-
diers on the frontline. I'll be waiting to en-
By Roslyn Carrington
If all the men on dating sites
who claim to like taking long
walks on the beach actually
did so, the traffic to Mara-
cas would be at a standstill.
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