Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : July 20th 2015 Contents A31
Monday, July 20, 2015 www.guardian.co.tt Guardian
The earth moved. I thought it
was caused by the giant exercise
ball bouncing off my abs of steel
but then it turned out to be just
an earthquake---a 5.9 shiver
on the Richter.
It was an understandable
mistake. Most superheroes
have to practise before
they get their powers
right and my secret
weapon-to-be is the
impenetrability of my Spartan
warrior-like mid-section. Bullets, darts
and missiles will ricochet off my stone
pillar, just like in the Superman movies.
The rotten eggs and tomatoes will be
harder to deal with---all that splatter
to clean up.
The life makeover has been taken
to another level. Green smoothies, baby
spinach salads, flax seed and pineap-
ple-marinated chicken breast were the
start of a new relationship with myself.
Now, I have reduced myself (literally)
into the creature known as a gym rat.
Once despised by all right-thinking
couch potatoes, the gym rat (not to be
confused with the gym bunny who is
defined by tight pink Spandex shorts
and moisture-proof mascara) has
Buried beneath these deceptive layers
of bread pudding lies a buff beauty
whose muscles ripple like silk in the
sunshine. Only the most intelligent
and perceptive people can discern them
right now but they are there.
And these mighty muscles deserve
a coming-out party. Preparations are
seriously underway. Yesterday, I did
100 sit-ups. Not the soft at-home-
ing-room-floor-style excuses. The
feel-the-burn kind of abdominal work-
out that turns wimps into wonder-
Tomorrow, I shall complete 200 and
by the end of the month, I will qualify
for beginner superfly status. My gym
buddy does 1,000, without a single
interruption in her porcelain smile.
She has buns that could crush dia-
monds and nothing wobbles when she
does jumping jacks.
"Oh, you can do it," she cooed.
"When I started, I could barely manage
300." Normally, I would have had her
brain for breakfast but all those endor-
phins had me bazodee, so I never did
nail her Nikes to her forehead.
I even forgave all her Spandex per-
fection when the morning after the
earthquake workout, I leapt out of bed
like a teenager---a slow, lazy, overweight
teenager, perhaps, but years had rolled
off my deltoids. You see, both Gym
Buddy and her trainer had warned me
that everything would ache the fol-
Well, I showed them both. I kicked
off the covers as the alarm beeped and
was on my feet by the count of 37.
After coaxing my neck out my shoul-
ders and straightening my back, my
knees eventually co-operated and
relaxed out of their 45-degree crouch.
Pain? What pain? Ninja gym-war-
riors feel no pain. We have Advil for
The rest of the insanity includes
such adventures as the Cherry Picker
which involves bringing your knees up
really high while reaching hand over
fist as if climbing a rope or picking
fruit; the Feather Kick, which resembles
the Pilates move called Hundreds but
might as well be termed the Murderer;
and the Mountain Climber which
requires getting down on all fours in
an awkward sort of booty-pout.
Throw in some side bends with
weights and a zillion crunches on the
device called the Crusher, and either
an ambulance will take me away or I
will be midriff-baring by the surprise
New Year champagne party you are
throwing in my honour.
Ordinarily, I would never showcase
all this fabulousness but I perspire to
inspire. Everybody needs a hero to
stand between her and the next choco-
late brownie or utter devastation in
the fitting room of the bathing suit
So when your trainer barks, "Get
down and give me 20," imagine I am
right there with you, sweating and
panting and begging for mercy. Except
I won t be.
The real reason I want to accomplish
1,000 sit-ups is pure ego. My adoles-
cent self who always got picked last
for the team wants a second chance.
The killer abs will be a bonus. The
true accomplishment will be the ability
and confidence to finally tell my inner
muffin to shut up, after I banish those
chequered memories of physical edu-
cation high school class.
Add to that the benefit of slithering
into a stretch-satin dress without hav-
ing to suck in my belly, and I will have
become my very own superhero.
Join the work-out at
• From Page A30
after she announced her intention
to fight the election.
Although she received support
from some politicians, one daily
newspaper encouraged conser-
vative clergymen to debate her
right to run for legislative office.
They suggested her transgender
status might disqualify her
because she would have "an agen-
"In other words people made
illegitimate by the law ought not
to have a right to change it,"
He said religious groups in the
region are fighting hard to main-
tain this, making advances in
rights for gay and lesbian people
much more likely than for trans-
gender and intersex people who
are more misunderstood and mis-
"If we were to look at it this
way, small minorities of people
in natural human diversity are
left-handed. There is natural
diversity in sex and gender, too.
While the majority of humans are
capable of a range of erotic arous-
al, only small minorities develop
primary and enduring erotic
attraction to people of the same
sex," Robinson said.
"For even smaller numbers of
people, one of two things hap-
pens; they have or develop a bod-
ily appearance that has sex char-
acteristics not clearly identifiable
as male or female or has charac-
teristics identifiable as both or
they have a bodily appearance
readily identifiable as one sex but
they have or develop a rooted per-
sonal identity related to the gender
of the other sex. In third-gender
cultures, they would be third gen-
"Binary gender systems and
their legal frameworks often need
to adapt when countries in which
they live wish to protect and
ensure the health and welfare of
people with such experiences,
which include intersex and trans-
gender people. The needs of both
groups often overlap," the Caiso
Can Elsa get
Human sexuality refers to one's
sexual interest and attraction for
others, and their capacity to have
erotic experiences and responses. A
person's sexual orientation is their
emotional and sexual attraction to a
particular sex (male or female), and
often shapes their sexuality.
Gender is a term that refers to
social or cultural distinctions
associated with being male or
female, and is generally considered
to be a socially constructed concept.
According to Wikipedia, a
transgender is the state of one's
gender identity or gender expression
not matching one's assigned sex.
Transgender is independent of
sexual orientation; transgender
people may identify as heterosexual,
homosexual, bisexual, asexual, etc;
some may consider conventional
sexual orientation labels inadequate
or inapplicable to them. The
definition of transgender includes:
• Of, relating to, or designating a
person whose identity does not
conform unambiguously to
conventional notions of male or
female gender roles, but combines or
moves between these.
• People who were assigned a sex,
usually at birth and based on their
genitals, but who feel that this is a
false or incomplete description of
• Non-identification with, or non-
presentation as, the sex (and
assumed gender) one was assigned
• It should be noted a transgender
should never be mistaken for a
transvestite. They are two
completely different things. A
transvestite is a person, typically a
man, who derives pleasure from
dressing in clothes appropriate to the
HUMAN SEXUALITY VS GENDER
The saga of Elsa and the pushups
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