Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : August 16th 2015 Contents B43
August 16, 2015 www.guardian.co.tt Sunday Guardian
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We end self-sabotage only by taking
responsibility for the choices and
actions that created it. Only when we
stop blaming our boss, the Govern-
ment, our parents, spouse or partner,
children, circumstances, fate or God
can we change our lives and say with
conviction, "I chose where I am and
who I'm with, and I can make other
Taking responsibility has nothing to
do with blame or finding fault.
Rather, taking responsibility is taking
control, because it represents the power
moment when we recognise the degree
to which our difficulties are self-gen-
erated, and that what we created we
can also change.
The heart of self-worth
We don't always get what we deserve
in life; we get what we believe we
deserve. So the problem is not your
actual worth, but your perceived worth.
Most of us have lost touch with our
intrinsic goodness--our courage and
humanity--allowed our worth to be
covered over by memories of a thousand
transgressions, real or imagined, so that
we feel only partly deserving of life's
Ask yourself: "How deserving am I?"
Then give a numerical rating, some-
where between one to 100, based on
how deserving you believe you are.
Come up with whatever rating feels
right and true for you. 60? 70? 80?
90? 95? Why?
Bear in mind that you have been
subconsciously rating yourself since
childhood. Now, we bring it into the
light, and consider how this self-per-
ception has shaped your choices and
Our sense of self-worth (or deserved-
ness) comes from many influences,
beginning in our early years--how we
were treated by parents or other care-
givers (as judgments placed upon us
by others become internalised). Abused
children, as well as people from stable
and loving households, but with
extremely high standards, may both
grow up with self-worth issues. The
source of self-worth issues is complex,
and does not come exclusively from
how well or poorly we behaved.
But whatever the reasons or sources
for your internalised level of worth, the
purpose of this week's session is to
draw it up from the depths and into
the light of awareness.
Self-worth and self-sabotage
As it has been noted, self-worth is
a subconscious self-assessment of your
perceived value, goodness, and
deservedness. You allow yourself to
receive only those people, experiences
and blessings that reflect your sense
Success involves talent, effort and
creativity. But first and foremost, it
requires a willingness to receive. As the
saint Ramakrishna once said, "Rain or
blessings may pour down from the
heavens, but if you only hold up a thim-
ble, a thimbleful is all you receive."
The choices you make: The central
theme of self-worth is that you sub-
consciously choose (or allow into your
life) the level of people and experiences
(both positive and negative) that you
believe you deserve. Until you come to
realise that life is full of cactus, but you
don't have to sit on it.
In any moment, you are free to
choose the high road, by being kind to
others, working hard, finding supportive
partners, and following good role mod-
els. Or you may burn bridges, use drugs
or alcohol, or choose destructive rela-
tionships. Through your choices, your sense of self-
worth influences whether you choose to learn easy
lessons or more difficult ones, to strive or to strug-
gle.These choices are not conscious. We don't wake
up one morning and say to ourselves, "I think I'll
sabotage my relationship today--oh no, I already did
that last week; today, I'll sabotage my finances."
Some of us get in our own way and block success
or abundance--we start but don't finish that schooling
or training that leads to a better career opportunity.
Or we experience great success but self-sabotage,
self-destruct, or don't allow ourselves to ride the
wave and enjoy it in perspective.
Looking back on your life, have you wondered,
Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Have friends
or loved ones advised against a choice or action, but
you did it anyway because you just felt you had to?
Now you understand the source and can finally get
out of your own way and make more positive, empow-
ering choices, and to take actions to build a new life-
-whether in the realm of exercise, diet, rest and
recreation, travel, improved working conditions, more
education or training for a better income--the world
opens up to you.
• To be continued...
If you would like to share your experiences, please
email me: email@example.com
JANICE LEARMOND CRIQUI CPC
Ideal Life Certified Professional Coach
Know your self-worth
As it has been noted, self-
worth is a subconscious self-
assessment of your perceived
value, goodness, and
deservedness. You allow
yourself to receive only those
people, experiences and
blessings that reflect your
sense of worth.
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