Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : July 17th 2016 Contents nding a relationship is never easy. It's always a
painful process that upsets both of you and
leaves you wondering whether or not you've
made the right decision.
Sometimes, despite what your head was telling you,
as you broke it off, your heart continues to ask "what if?"
What if you'd stayed together and gave things another
What if you get back together now and give things an-
Getting back together with your ex is not a decision to
be taken lightly. And because you've got a hurricane of
conflicting emotions swirling around inside your head, it's
not an easy decision to make. You wonder if it's just
going to be a waste of time, or whether this could be the
turning point in both your lives.
If you're not sure what to do, here things you need to
TIME HAS SINCE PASSED
Does time heal all wounds? Possibly not, but it heals
some wounds. Perhaps the two of you just needed some
time apart to freshen your minds, do some soul search-
ing and discover what it is that you really want and need
out of this relationship.
It could even be that time apart has matured the two
of you, and settled you both down, so that you're now
ready for this relationship.
They say that we don't know what we've got until it's
gone, and it could be that time apart has made you re-
alise exactly what made you two so great together.
YOU'RE PRETTY MISERABLE
When you broke up with your partner, you probably
didn't expect to be so miserable. You thought it would be
fun to star fish in your big bed on your own, but waking
up alone sucks. The dark is scaring you, and you've got
no one to have pillow talk with.
Worse still, you don't want to get out of bed anymore.
You miss him.
Post-breakup life isn't easy for some. If it's making you
miserable, consider calling him up.
THE PROBLEM ISN'T FATAL
Sometimes, problems in a relationship can't really be
fixed. For example, if one person converts to a religion
and the other just can't bring themselves to do it, there
might be too much tension to overcome in the future.
Ask yourself whether yours and your partner's prob-
lem is fatal, or if it's fixable. Maybe you guys broke up be-
cause he had to move to a different country or you
wanted to go back to school. At the time, these prob-
lems seemed too difficult to overcome, but it might be
that you've since come up with a solution.
Take some time to properly analyse the situation and
figure out a resolution. There is nothing worse than
breaking up because of something that could be fixed.
TO MAKE COMPROMISES
When you were together, you couldn't stand his dogs
and his homemade curries. He disliked your friends and
how you'd drag him out shopping. You refused to see
him unless the dogs were nowhere to be seen, and he'd
grump each time he was out shopping with you.
But things are different now. You're both willing to
make compromises for the sake of your relationship.
YOU WANT THE SAME THINGS NOW
A few years back, my ex and I broke up because we
wanted different things. He hated the idea of settling
down and having kids, and he refused to give up some of
his worse bad habits. He smoked too much and I didn't
like it. As the months went on, he actually started to cut
down on his habits, realising they were no good for him.
He also stopped partying altogether and decided that he
wanted children after all.
Sometimes this happens. Your relationship may have
ended because you both wanted different things, but as
we get older we change. It may be that now you both
want what each other wants.
SEE WHAT YOUR MOM SAYS
Do moms know us better than we know ourselves?
Very possibly. If you're unsure of what to do, it's a good
idea to ask your mom. She will have your best interests
at heart, and she'll be able to give you some solid,
You don't have to act on what she says, but it's worth
knowing what she's thinking.
I have been with a military
officer for over a year now.
Within the first couple
months of dating he men-
tioned to me that his job
has the best of him. I under-
stood what he meant be-
cause I have a lot of family
and friends within the mili-
tary. However, he is no regu-
lar soldier he is a Special
Forces soldier, so we see
each other once in a blue
I was ok with it the first
couple of months because
the communication was
great but, as time went by
things started to get a bit
tion was going downhill and
my trust for him went right
along with it. Some of my
friends told me that he was
cheating on me. I didn't be-
lieve it at all and I couldn't
come to terms with these
accusations until I did my
own investigations and
found out for myself that
my friends were telling the
truth. I confronted him and
of course like any guy he
lied and said it was not true
and with that we split.
Two months after we
started back talking and we
decided to give the relation-
ship a second chance. We
are now engaged and I am
happy with the progress
we've made but the prob-
lem is I still don't trust him
and find myself still investi-
gating his every move; luck-
ily so far I haven't stumbled
onto anything suspicious. I
haven't told him about it
would begin to re-think the
relationship we have and I
honestly cannot go through
losing him a second time.
Should I tell him about my
snooping and that I still
don't trust him and see
where it goes from there?
Dear Lacking Trust,
You've chosen to forgive
your soldier man and give
your relationship another
go... why try to sabotage it
by regurgitating the past?
Trust is something that has
to be built up and in your
case, re-built over time. You
need to try and somehow
forget the past especially if
you really want to build a fu-
ture with this guy. If you
continue to wonder, "what
if", you'll drive yourself crazy
and then he'll really have to
look for another woman. I
say, let sleeping dogs lie.
Don't go looking for a rea-
son to distrust him but
rather keep on the lookout
for reasons to build trust in
him. I know it's hard getting
over infidelity, and trust al-
ways takes a huge blow
when one partner is unfaith-
ful, but remember, re-build-
ing trust takes time, so be
patient with both yourself
and your new fiancé and
give him a chance. Xoxo,
Need life advice? Send your questions to Dear Dani at firstname.lastname@example.org
10 | WOW MAGAZINE
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