Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : October 15th 2017 Contents A6 news
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Mary and John have been married
for 19 years and have two teenage
daughters together. Mary, who
says she still loves John, however,
is now in the process of getting a
divorce from him. She says she
needs to do so in order to main-
tain her sanity.
"I love him but I had to love the
girls and myself more. I couldn't
take it anymore, I was not sleep-
ing at night, I was stressed and I
was feeling like if I didn't move
on I would have gone mad," Mary
told the Sunday Guardian.
The reason Mary, 43, decided to
leave John was because he did not
want to get help for his gambling
"The thing is if someone is not
willing to get help then there is
nothing you can do for them, and
sadly that was the case with him,"
"So since I could not help him I
had to help myself and my daugh-
Mary said it was a hard decision
but one she had to make.
Mary said she and John were
"big limers" but that stopped
when they had their daughters.
"He is a limer, so he would go to
the casino and lime with friends,
and when they went to the track
and bet on horses he would go
too, he would play a little Play
Whe and Lotto every now and
then but it was nothing serious,"
But then a few years ago, the
gambling which John said was
relaxing started to become more
"Now it has become a runaway
horse," she said.
Mary does not know what
caused John to get heavily in-
volved in gambling.
"I remember once he and some
friends went to lime a Friday and
he said he was playing some card
game, I don't know how much
he betted but that night when he
came home he woke me up and
said he won around $6,500. He
eventually spent that money to
take me and the girls to Margarita
(island) for a weekend a couple
months later," Mary said.
When the fun stopped
But as time rolled on, some-
thing happened and John no
longer gambled just for fun.
He started to gamble more reg-
ularly and not only when he went
out with friends, Mary said.
Mary said she still did not think
much of it.
Then one day she realised that
things were spiralling out of con-
"We each pay different bills and
then one day he came to me and
said he needed to borrow some
money from me to pay the mort-
gage," Mary said.
Mary said she had no problem
forking out the money and did
not really think too much of it.
Then the borrowing became
Mary said John maxed out his
credit card and borrowed from
her as well as other family mem-
bers and friends.
John never had money to do an-
ything, she said.
When Mary asked John what
was going on with his inances he
got angry and resentful.
He told her he had everything
Mary realised that this was the
furthest thing from the truth.
"The thing really hit the fan for
me when I saw a letter from the
mortgage company in the mail
and it was saying that we had ar-
rears owing," Mary said.
Mary confronted John and that
conversation escalated into a big
"I had to end up borrowing
money from my father to pay
off the mortgage, you know how
shameful that was," she said.
Digging a hole
Mary said she realised John was
digging a hole he could not get
himself out of.
"So I called around to ind out
what help I could get for him, I
organised a meeting and he got
angry with me for that saying he
not going anywhere," Mary said.
Mary said that hurt her.
John became more and more
unpredictable and was moody at
"I started to become depressed,
I felt hurt and angry with him and
it was affecting everything in my
life. I almost had a mental break-
down in work, once I had to just
sit down in the ladies (washroom)
and cry for a while," Mary said.
Then one day, about a year
ago, Mary took her daughters and
went to stay at her parents' home.
She eventually told John she
was leaving him for good.
To his credit, Mary said John
told her for the sake of the chil-
dren she could move back in the
family house and he would leave.
Mary now pays the mortgage
for the house.
"I have all these extra expenses
now, but my father has been help-
some stuff," she said.
Within the time they have been
separated John has changed
apartments on at least three oc-
Mary said she hopes one day he
would ind the strength to realise
that he needs help.
* Mary opted not to have her
real name used in this article to
prevent any embarrassment to
her husband and her daughters.
• Continuing next week
'My husband, the gambling addict'
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