Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : November 5th 2017 Contents B8 xx
Sunday, November 5, 2017
This makes it the ifth re-
lationship that ends with
the words 'It's not you,
it's me. The fact that for
you, stable and lasting relation-
ships seem to be a fleeting illu-
sion is a drag. You spend a lot of
post-relationship time trying to
igure where exactly it all went
Maybe it was that time I forgot
Maybe I was too out-spoken
about certain things?
I should have been nicer to his
mom, even though she doesn't
Being the common factor in all
these relationships, it may be it's
time to check your emotional bag-
gage. You may be oblivious to this
and it's killing your love life.
We've all been there. And yes,
this too shall pass... Though on
the list of the 5 ways you can tell
you have emotional baggage,
number one is...
1. You're projecting.
Those with baggage can often-
times be riddled with self-doubt.
What makes this self-doubt even
worse is that, as you see the worst
in yourself, you also begin assum-
ing the same of others.
If, for example, you're on a irst
date and feeling wary and quick
to judge, you might automatically
assume that your date is judging
you just as harshly. This, in turn,
could make you defensive. Way to
kill the buzz before you've even
shared your irst toast, right?
If you're experiencing negative
feelings about the person you're
with, ask yourself where these
feeling are coming from. Could it
be that you're making unfounded
2. You're paranoid.
We don't blame you for being
a bit suspicious about in idelity,
especially if you've been burned
in the past. But in order for a re-
lationship to work, you have to
trust each other.
If you don't fully trust him-or
even if you do, and are just being
cautious-your paranoia can man-
ifest itself in some extremely
unattractive ways: clinginess,
neediness, breaches in privacy...
(No, we don't condone e-snoop-
ing of any kind.)
No man (or woman, for that
matter) wants to feel as if he's
under constant surveillance, es-
pecially if he did absolutely noth-
ing to betray your trust.
So keep your suspicions in
check, unless he's done some-
thing that's actually worth worry-
3. You're comparing him to
This goes beyond simple par-
anoia. It's more subtle and in-
sidious. If you see him smile in
a certain way-or utter a certain
phrase-and you immediately
think of your abusive ex-boy-
friend, or that immature idiot
you rebounded with, or that un-
fortunate one-night stand, you're
letting your past drag you unnec-
Do you consistently ind
yourself souring on new dating
prospects simply because of un-
It's important to remind your-
self that he is not your ex. Try
thinking, instead, of all the amaz-
ing qualities he has that your ex
most certainly did not.
4. You're throwing up walls.
We've written in the past about
the secrets healthy couples
shouldn't keep. This is because,
in order to fully commit to each
other, you should also know each
other pretty darn well.
Holding back on emotions, or
reliving painful events from the
past in ways that affect your pres-
ent, can keep a relationship stag-
So ask yourself: what have you
been keeping from him, and why?
Chances are, he can tell you're
hiding something, and we're sure
he'd rather hear about it than be
5. You're holding back from
OK. So commitment-phobes
are everywhere, and some of
them aren't carrying an ounce of
baggage. But in many cases, the
fear of tying oneself down can be
indicative of a deeper problem. If
you're not giving any of your rela-
tionships half a chance, it's time
to do some soul-searching.
There's nothing wrong with
being single, but is it what you re-
ally want? And if it's not, what's
making you hesitate when you
come across the possibility of
If all else fails, consider talk-
ing to a therapist or a love/dating
coach about burning that per-
In the end, it all comes down to
trust. Want to leave that baggage
behind? Allow yourself to trust
Tips courtesy: www.yourtango.com
what have you
from him, and
are, he can tell
and we're sure
hear about it
than be stone-
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