Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : August 2nd 2013 Contents Secret Doubles Agent Provoca-
teur Dhalpuri, who was last
Friday provoked out of retire-
ment/hiding by "the firetruck-
load of firetruckeries in Chagua-
nas West" to produce notes
secretly passed between Prime
Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar
and her erstwhile favourite Cabi-
net minister, Austin "Jack"
Warner, returns this week as his
immediate prelude to disappear-
I will not resurrect Agent
Chutney after today (unless
enough people demand it)
because, though I have a great
time inventing my ludicrous
imaginary notes for our leading
politicians, my over-the-top ridi-
culing of Trinidad politics has
now become dangerously close to
simply predictive; and distress-
ingly accurately so, as was proved
by last Friday s jokes turning into
reality on Monday. It s discon-
certing in the extreme, to set out
to write biting satire and end up
with mere reportage.
So, today, to mark his own
passing from these pages, Agent
Chutney will go beyond himself
(and the outer limits of credulity,
which mark the starting territori-
al waters of Trinidad) and will
below present notes that PM KP-
B and soon-to-be-President Jack
will pass to one another this
afternoon in the new session of
Parliament even before I was
going to pretend they were going
to be written. As always, the
Leader of the Opposition gets, in
this space, the special notice he
does not get in the House.
Since the first one, back in
1998, I think, Agent Chutney
columns have always had a local
foodstuff artificially inserted into
its headline, which I usually think
of independently of what I m
writing, and which then forces
me to think of a way of working
the headline into the story. The
first note is from His Imperial
Majesty Jack Rastafari.
How it feel to get a solid cuta-
-e from a lagahoo mixed with
ugly Hanuman (like it have a
If I had know how easy it was,
of course, to beat you like a dho-
lak or a doolahin, I woulda keep
back some of that by-election
budget money for the local gov-
ernment campaign. Not that my
money in any danger of running
out, eh; it doesn t even run low.
Send back the paper.
Jack the Wrapper (of Funer-
al Shroud, for Former Part-
Brother Jack A--,
Don t flatter yourself. All you
did was spend a few million dol-
lars to buy one-two Indian peo-
ple vote: is a clear case of black
Too besides, people didn t vote
for you, they vote against me.
Well, nobody votes against
Trinidad s prettiest Member of
Parliament ever (at least since
Christine Kangaloo gone and
Nicole Dyer-Griffith never get
een) but they voted against the
powers-that-be. Now that you
are a power-that-has-been, you
should fully appreciate the differ-
ence. Send back the paper; I ll
make it into a pellet and shoot
you in your bald head with a
Kamla, Still PM, and What
If I buy one-two Indian vote, it
was still twice as much as you
coulda get with all your fake elo-
quence and principle. To hear
you talk bout me, people woulda
think you never, of course, even
met me, far less accept me for
what I was and could bring. But
I myself was surprise it had so
many voters who couldn ta be
bought in Chag-West; I explain
to you already: Chaguanas people
is Trinidadian first and Indian
second, and them prefer freeness
to principle ten times out of ten.
Furthermore, do not, of course,
challenge me. Anything I say I
can be in this country, I will be,
and inside of two weeks, of
course. I went from UNC chamar
to Chaguanas West rajah in a
month; give me six months and I
will be Leader of the Opposition.
Give me a year and you will be
begging me for a drop to
Palmiste in the Prime Minister
helicopter. Give me five years and
Pope Francis better watch his
pontiff a--, becaw he might get
bleps by Pope Jack.
Jack the Saviour of the
How, pray tell, do you plan to
go from Independent Lagahoo to
Leader of the Lagahoos?
The Leader of the Opposition
is the man who commands the
support of the most members of
the House who do not support
the government. You really think
the PNM jokers Patrick pick will
support Rowley ahead of me?
Write down the numbers for
yourself on the paper and then
add five more figures: Anil;
Gypsy; and three we will call, of
course, X, Y and Zandolee, for
Keep the paper. You will need
it to write down your CV when
you looking for a work.
If you feel you get licks from
me, wait until Bas take back the
HRH & HNICoC Jack
Now you have no access to
state money to use up $6.8m to
pull a worthless crashed firetruck
30m up a little hill, you realise
how much it going and cost you
to keep them Hanuman happy in
Even your pockets will run out
over two years of freeness for
freeloader as worthless, and as
hungry to eat-ah-food, as them.
Kamla, Still the Woman in
[The last note is from Fer Keith
Knott-Rowley, ie Dr Keith Rowley
pretending to be someone else,
so as to distance himself from
Brothers & Sisters,
when so many Chaguanas people
could betray principle and vote
for pure personal advantage! How
we supposed to get any support
now? That was we firetrucking
Keithos, No Relation to
BC Pires is feteing with his vote.
E-mail your rum, roti & joeseys to
him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Friday, August 2, 2013 www.guardian.co.tt Guardian
TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO:
Late of 46, Cassander
Ontario, L6Z 1Z2, Canada,
Office Manager/Married Man
who died on the 19th day of
at Credit Valley Hospital,
Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
NOTICE is hereby given that
after the expiration of fourteen
(14) days from the date hereof,
an application will be made in
the Registry of the Supreme
Court of Judicature of Trinidad
and Tobago for the Resealing of
Certificate of Appointment of the
Estate Trustee with a Will to the
Estate of HARRY RAMSARRAN
also called HARRY RAMCHA-
RAN of 46 Cassander Crescent,
Brampton, Ontario, L6Z 1Z2,
Canada, Office Manager/Married
man, deceased, granted in the
Ontario Superior Court of Justice
775 Hurontario Street, Brampton,
Ontario, L6W 4T6 Canada on the
20th day of April 2004.
Dated this 1st day of August 2013.
RAMNARINE & PERSAD
Attorneys at Law for
MARGARET OLIVIA MOHINI
(the Personal Representative
Executor and Trustee of the
Deceased and in whose
favour the Certificate of
Appointment of Estate Trustee
with a Will was issued).
The job entails the maintenance of all company machinery and property and sig-
nificant project management through a team of in-house and contract personnel.
Applicants should possess excellent skills in the areas of leadership,
planning, project management, process management.
o M.Sc in Production Engineering or similar qualification
o B.Sc in Electrical Engineering.
o At least eight (8) years previous experience, in a corrugated conversion
o Experience in project management.
o Experience in commissioning and de-commissioning of packaging
o Extensive knowledge of trouble-shooting and maintenance of electrical
o Knowledge of operating and capital budgets.
o Experienced in preventative maintenance.
This is a senior management position and an attractive compensation pack-
age with benefits is being offered.
The successful applicant will be required to travel to affiliate Companies in
The Caribbean and the UK, sometimes at short notice.
THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY
BLACK VOTER PUDDING
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