Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : January 11th 2014 Contents A30
Guardian www.guardian.co.tt Saturday, January 11, 2014
"That s like, my dream." This
is what I hear when I say what
my husband does. His job invokes
images of dinner parties with
friends and late-night croissant-
This idea has been cultivated by
TV shows and movies that show
chefs doing sexy chef things like
seducing partners in empty restau-
rant kitchens and, in a strangely
arousing move, yelling at line-
cooks. Generally, it sounds amaz-
ing. In the words of Liz Lemon: I
want to go to there.
If you re ready to drink the herbal
infused Kool-Aid, allow me to give
you some tips that will ensure a
happy relationship for you and your
culinary love. I ll also highlight
some common misconceptions.
There will be no recipes, though.
Trust me, you ll accumulate
enough of those on your own.
Celebrate New Year's
on January 2
Going out on the holidays is the
best! Unfortunately the whole
world feels the same meaning hol-
idays are the busiest restaurant
days. The upside is that I never
experienced those "you re married
now and dead to me because I
never see you," moments with any
of my single friends. Oh yeah.
We re talking being the awkward
third-wheel even after you re mar-
You will be alone...a lot
Dating a chef sometimes feels
like you re dating a doctor. A doctor
that pushes wine pairings and buys
butter by the case. The average
working chef easily clears 60-hour
work weeks, while in the fine dining
realm that number may soar to 70
or 80. While other jobs provide
the stability of a regular eight-to-
five workday, chef s hours change
on a daily basis. Also like a doctor,
their phone is always on, so when
people call out, or produce orders
fall through, they can go in and fix
it. Remember, a good chef is a bona
fide workaholic. So just go ahead
and offer up any hopes of Sunday
brunch together to the Gods of
Hollandaise. Maybe you should
invest in a dog.
Adhere to the
There s a reason most How to
Get a Job at a Restaurant, articles
say to only stop by between 2
pm--4 pm. This is the magical lull
between lunch and dinner service.
This is also the only time you might
be able to get a hold of your spouse.
My texts with my husband
resemble that of a crazed stalker.
Just a blitz of sent texts with the
occasional one-word response. I ve
seriously hesitated when listing
him as my emergency contact.
What if I m bleeding out? What if
I m kidnapped and I only have one
call before my phone dies? The sad
truth is, I wouldn t call my hus-
band. I would call his produce guy
who he picks up for and have him
pass it along.
Make a budget---
but not for food
Going grocery shopping in
Washington, DC, is tantamount to
a full-contact game of murderball.
Just a bunch of unhappy people
trying to get the last bag of kale.
Because it s so time-consuming, I
usually take on this task and I m
okay with it. I ll carefully peruse
aisles, comparing brands and seeing
what s on special. I use the bonus
card. I brag about how much I
saved. When my husband joins
me, it s a somewhat different expe-
rience. The cart will be used as a
battering ram, taking over shelves,
assaulting the cheese case, plun-
dering the meat section. Prisoners
of war will be collected as imported
olives, bottles of wine and short
ribs that (gasp) aren t even on spe-
cial, fall like wounded soldiers into
the cart. Suddenly my grocery
budget for the month is blown on
one trip. When this happens, you
just have to sigh and accept it. I
imagine it s like dating a hairstylist
who will only buy $100 shampoo.
Just lie and say they made it
Much like strippers don t want
to come home and do another lap
dance, chefs don t want to always
come home and cook. I have
accepted this. Friends and family
have a harder time.
Before I met my husband I loved
to cook and bake. I participated in
cookie swaps. I read the Joy of
Cooking on the beach like it was
Glamour magazine. But now, sud-
denly I find people are disappointed
when I cater the dinner party. I ll
enter the family Thanksgiving with
a platter of miniature pilgrims
crafted in pastry and hear, "Did
your husband make this?" When
I say no I can sense their disap-
pointment. Like I m depriving them
of some chef-selected casserole
Eventually it got to the point
where I just started lying. Every-
thing is "made by him" and every-
thing is immediately heralded as
delicious. Shhh. Let s just keep this
our little secret.
What to expect when
your partner is a chef
Gordon Ramsay's wife Tana, left, made the best of being married to the celebrity chef. She became a food
personality in her own right, authoring several cookbooks and fronting her own television programmes.
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