Home' Trinidad and Tobago Guardian : July 21st 2014 Contents I tried being nice,
killing the beast with
kindness. So I dosed
it with fruit smooth-
ies, chilled glasses of
sparkling water, with
crisp wedges of fresh
lemons, and hot
Kindness is lost on
wretches. The cold
stuck around, and I
gained five pounds
from all those
I got mean and attacked with mysterious herbal
potions from elderly country folk which involved
cayenne pepper, fever grass, eye of newt and wing
of bat, for all I knew.
"Are you sure it s just a cold? my unhelpful
perfect friend Emme asked. Emme never gets
sick. Which is a lucky thing because she would
never have the time. She is always too busy looking
"Of course it is, I blubbed through my grey
haze of despair. "Atchoo!
"You might have something nasty and don t
know it. You have been sneezing and feeling crum-
my all week, she replied. That woman has a way
of making sense when I really am not in the mood
to do anything but sulk.
"I ll be fine. ATCHOOOO!
"That s it, you re going to the doctor, she
"I am. Not. Going. Who goes to the doctor
for a silly cold? Some wimp? Colds just need time
and Vitamin C and a warm bed. I ranted. Then
I slumped over in my soggy cornflakes.
"Allergy, the doctor pronounced an hour later.
An allergy to adverse environmental conditions,
such as dirty air-conditioning vents. Ploughing
through dusty work files and even turning the
pages of newspapers will also trigger it. I got
some nice fluids in an IV and a shot of something
that knocked me out for hours. It was the best
sleep I had in weeks.
Now all I need is to find a job in an antiseptic
factory, and a bubble-wrapped dust-free house
in a mountain hamlet just outside a town called
Perfect. And I will be fine. Really. Fine.
• Send me your home cures to wrenchelsa@hot-
Monday, July 21, 2014 www.guardian.co.tt Guardian
You would think if they could put a
man on the moon, they could cure the
stupid common cold.
If they could make a fridge spit out
cute little oblong ice cubes, why can t
they get rid of the invisible jackbooted
terrorists stomping inside my head?
If they could make dolls talk, cars
zoom, and microwave ovens zap food
from frozen to steaming hot in seconds,
why, oh why, can t they make a cold
medicine that actually works and does
not make me look like a drunk homeless
Seriously, if a leprechaun dropped a
bag of gold on my front yard, I would
not be able to get up to collect it.
This is not the "taking a sickie kind
of cold. I like work. Actually. I get there
early and leave late. I I like making things
happen, solving problems, impressing
people with my own amazing efficiency.
Just last week I stuck my hand in a paper
shredder to remove mangled sheets of
sensitive documents which had become
stuck in the teeth of the monster. I expect
to receive the Employee of the Month
award for that heroic effort.
This cold is a nagging cold, a bully
who won t give up, who just keeps kicking
my behind although I am doing my best
to stoically ignore the creep.
But bullies can t take no for an answer.
Give me a perfect world
Hollywood star Tom Hanks has started shoot-
ing portions of his new film A Hologram for the
King in Egypt s Red Sea resort city of Hurghada,
the country s state news agency reported Satur-
Hanks arrived Friday in Egypt and told the local
independent daily newspaper Al-Masry Al-Youm
that it was his first visit to the Red Sea, though
he s read a lot about it. The newspaper said Hanks
will be sleeping in a yacht in the Red Sea during
Egypt s state news agency MENA reported that
Hanks will film scenes in diving areas off the coast.
The movie is directed by German filmmaker
Tom Tykwer and is based on a 2012 novel by Dave
Hanks will play the role of a struggling American
salesman who travels to Saudi Arabia to sign a
contract with a wealthy monarch, but instead finds
himself entangled in a series of misadventures.
The movie is set to be released in 2015.
Egyptian officials view Hanks visit as a boost
to the country s faltering tourism industry, a top
foreign currency earner battered by three years of
political turmoil. Hurghada is one of the country s
best known destinations, renowned for its diving
sites and colorful coral reefs. (AP)
Hanks in Egypt to film
Hologram for the King
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